midnight blues

I am a nocturnal creature. I am most active after the sun sets. I hate sleeping early. Am trying to change this habit of mine coz first it's not healthy and second it sometimes gets balefully murky, or pensive is more like it.

This wasn't so when I was younger. I used to watch some t.v., make myself some hot coffee, and sit down with a book. I still do that, but my mind wanders to all the sadness around, I think of things that are all negative, sometimes I weep, weep about things that affect me in the least direct way. I watch some news telecast of a bomb blast happening somewhere far off, and I can't help but weep. I mean it is definately saddening, but no one who I know of cries over it! Sometimes there is nothing to trigger the tear gland, I mean nothing tangible, still I cry. I watch an ad made by some children's welfare, non-profit organisation and there I go! I get these bouts of sadness only in the nights. It's so unlike me. I mean as I write about this, it all just doesn't make any sense to me. I know of myself as a strong person, who can fight all odds, who can come out of any tough situation when confronted with. In fact I am known to be someone who is always talking, laughing and all that amongst my friends. I never cry if the protagonist/hero of some love story in a movie or a novel dies. I am not a sentimental fool! That's just not me!

The next morning I wake up, and am back to being my chirpy self. I think about the previous night and hate the puffy eyes and wonder what really went wrong. As I write this I try to analyse the flow of my thoughts in an objective manner. If a psychiatrist reads this please see me! I probably need your consultation!